Exhale My Love For You
by heartlandiansoisle
Summary: Jack and Lisa's marriage is tested when her ex-husband is back in the picture - in an unexpected way.
1. Chapter 1

"Can you believe this view?" Lisa Stillman sighed and let her eyes rest on the stunning vista that surrounded their little picnic blanket. "I know I've traveled around the world and seen places, but nothing really compares to this. We should do this more often, have picnics outside. Not only is it beautiful here, but we have some privacy for ourselves as well", she noted to her husband, Jack Bartlett.

"Well, Lis, you know I would love to, but my bones aren't what they used to be. My knees don't quite bend like they did when I was a young man. I'm not looking forward to the day when you have to call medical help to get me back on my feet", Jack said and placed the wine bottle back to the basket after pouring them some wine.

"Oh, don't be like that", Lisa slapped him playfully on the chest. "You're doing fine. But if it helps you, we could bring some of those folding chairs with us."

"And be on our rear ends in no time", Jack could already see their legs pointed toward the sky. It made Lisa giggle. She knew the ground wasn't very solid in these lush areas, but she wasn't going to give up on these picnics; they were the luxury that not everyone could afford.

"Cheers", Lisa took her wine glass and clinked it with Jack's. The man smiled and took a sip. "Oh, this is excellent. What was it called again?" she asked, letting the drink tickle her taste buds.

"It's, uh…" Jack took back the bottle and held it at arm's length since he couldn't see too close without his glasses. But before he could reply, Lisa's phone rang. He glanced at his wife and raised a suspicious eyebrow, causing Lisa to make a face.

"I know, I know. I know I said cell phone's should be off, but I totally forgot to put it on mute. Let me just–" Lisa took it from her pocket and laid the wine glass on the blanket before she checked the number. "Hmm, this is strange. I should probably see who it is. I'm sorry", she apologized and slid the green button to answer. "Hello? Yes, this is she. What…? Is he okay? Oh my–" Lisa gasped and covered her mouth.

"What is it?" Jack worried.

"Yes. I will be there as soon as I can", Lisa assured. "Thank you for calling me. Okay. Thank you. Bye." She hung up and didn't know how to act.

"What was that?" Jack asked again.

"It's Dan, he's in the hospital. There's been an accident."

"An accident? What happened?"

"A horse kicked him in the head. I'm sorry, Jack, but I gotta go", Lisa said and stood up. Jack's eyes followed her.

"But why did they call you? You're his ex-wife. Doesn't he have someone else, someone more closer?" Jack wondered.

"Apparently I'm still his emergency contact", Lisa figured. "I'll make this up to you, I promise", she leaned to give Jack a big, wet kiss. "I'll call you. Can you…" she gestured toward the food that was spread all over their picnic area.

"Yes, yes. I'll get it, you just go", Jack assured and hurried her with his hand.

And just like that Lisa was on her horse and on her way to Heartland to pick up her car. Jack sighed and looked after her for as long as he could. When she was out of sight, Jack started to gather the things around and tossed the wine from the glasses on the grass.

It wasn't until the evening rolled around that Lisa got back from the hospital. She got out of her truck and Jack looked at her through the window over the sink. He had volunteered to do dishes since he had nothing else to do, therefore giving Amy more time to do the night chores and Lou an opportunity to help Georgie with her homework.

Jack rinsed a plate and laid it on the table when Lisa walked in. She said nothing when she put her handbag down on the table, but instead walked over, kissed Jack on the cheek and took the towel to help him to dry the dishes he had already washed.

"How did it go with Dan? I was beginning to worry when I didn't hear anything from you", Jack asked when they had done the chore in the silence for a while. Lisa's eyes were strictly on the task in hand, as if she was worried she was going to miss a spot even when it wasn't that serious.

"Jack…" Lisa started, taking her time to continue. "Dan died."

"What…?" The sponge from Jack's hand dropped on top of the bubbles and he turned toward his wife. Lisa still kept going like what she had said had not been as serious as it sounded. "Are you okay…?" Jack was concerned.

"Yeah. I'm… okay", Lisa nodded, but he could see she was holding back tears.

"Lisa, it's okay to cry", Jack encouraged and gently put his hand behind her back to caress it. "You just lost someone."

"Yeah, I know. It's just… there's just so much to arrange, you know, I don't know where to start. Like do I invite all the people we used to know as a couple or is that going to be awkward? Or are there other people I haven't met, people who he became friends with after our divorce?" Lisa shrugged sadly.

Jack resisted the urge to comment how he doubted the fact that Dan had made any friends after divorcing Lisa, because the best thing about him had been Lisa and without her, no one would even bother. But knowing it was bad to speak ill of the dead, Jack held his tongue.

"Why is that your job…? Doesn't he have any family who could make these arrangements?" Jack asked carefully. He couldn't help but be irritated that even when he was dead, Dan found a way to make people do all the work for him.

"His brother lives in Montana but they haven't talked for years over some feud", Lisa explained. "And his sister died of cancer some years ago. I'm all he has. Or had…" she changed the word to past tense quickly, feeling another wave of sadness washing over her.

"Yeah, okay, that makes sense then", Jack nodded, cutting it some slack. "Is there anything I could do?"

"No, it's fine. You just keep on doing what you're doing. I'll handle this", Lisa assured. Jack nodded and kissed her hair, then getting back to washing dishes. It was silent again and Jack tried to come up with something to talk about, but it all felt so futile in the light of the recent events.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days Lisa slept, ate and showered with a phone in her hand - or so it seemed to Jack. He knew it was selfish, but Jack didn't like how much involved Lisa was in these funeral arrangements. Of course he understood the fact that Dan had no one besides Lisa, but that was something he had brought to himself by being such a jackass while living. Now he was dragging Lisa down with him and Jack was really bothered by it. He hated seeing Lisa so sad. It was the sparkle in her eyes and the smile on her lips that made her so beautiful to him, the lively spirit that was now shadowed by a big dark cloud, thanks to his late archenemy, Dan Hartfield.

"What do you think of these? They're pretty, right?" Lisa asked and showed another set of flowers to Jack as he was preparing them coffee. "Classy, but not too over the top."

"Yeah, I guess they're alright", Jack shrugged, not even bothering to look.

"Do you think Dan would have liked them?" Lisa wondered.

"I don't know. Never really thought what kind of flowers he would like - let alone what kind of funeral he would be having", Jack scoffed. Even though I bet there were times I would have probably got some kind of weird satisfaction thinking about that, he added inside his head.

Lisa gave her husband the stink eye.

"What is wrong with you? Did you get up from the wrong side of the bed?"

"Well, I could have, since you weren't in the bed when I woke up. Had the whole thing to myself. You were probably up since the crack of dawn, making these arrangements for him", Jack murmured.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I think this should be done properly", Lisa was hurt by Jack's attitude. "I know you two weren't exactly in best terms, but my God, Jack, don't you think he deserves some respect?"

"You know what I think?" Jack asked while taking out his coffee cup and pouring some java in it. "If people would care for him to get flowers, they would have given them to him while he was alive. Flowers are no use to him when he's dead. Who's even gonna look at them after his coffin has been buried six feet under? You?"

"Okay, that's it", Lisa said and collected her planning folders with her. "I'm taking this to Fairfield. The atmosphere here suddenly got too hostile for me…"

"Lisa, I'm just–" Jack sighed, trying to explain himself, but Lisa wouldn't listen. She cut him off by slamming the door shut behind her. Jack closed his eyes and huffed.

"Oh, you must be enjoying this, Dan. Seeing us fight like this - over you", he looked up toward the heavens, but realized where Dan was residing was probably a little bit lower, in some warmer regions… "Well, great job. You win this round…" Jack muttered and started to drink his coffee.

Days went by and Jack remained too stubborn to pick up the phone. Lisa had not set foot at Heartland ever since they had had their fight and Jack had a feeling that she wouldn't as long as he was being this way. But Jack couldn't help but feel like he was only protecting Lisa.

It was his job, right?

"Oh, Grampa, why don't you just call her? I know you want to", Lou said when she came to get Katie a juice box. The old man turned around from the window where he had waited for Lisa's truck to suddenly appear and things to be okay again.

Jack had mentioned to Lou and Amy that he and Lisa had had a fight over Dan when they had asked where she was and why she wasn't attending to family dinners. The word of Dan Hartfield's dead has spread like a wildfire, because he had always been one of the richest and influential men in Hudson. Jack had not even had a chance to tell about it to his granddaughters because they had already known. So the girls had counted two and two together, watching their grandfather's moping for days.

"Besides, she needs you now. I know Dan was his ex-husband, but if that were Peter… I don't know how I would cope", Lou was quavering even thinking about it. To her understanding, Lisa and Dan has always remained somewhat close even after their divorce. They had still done business together, exchanged tips and looked after one another when something big had happened.

"Yeah, but you and Peter have kids together. Dan was just a man Lisa used to live with", Jack tried to tell himself things were much simpler than they were.

"Grampa! Please tell me you don't really believe that! Is that what you want people to think of you guys too? That Lisa is just a woman you live with sometimes? Having kids together isn't everything", Lou sighed. "I don't know what it was like when Dan and Lisa were together, but I bet they loved each other very much. Why else would they have been married?"

"Money?" Jack suggested. Lou looked at her grandfather, disappointed in what she was hearing.

"Well even if that would have been Dan's reasoning - which I highly doubt -, I'm sure Lisa married him for love. And there must be some of that love still left", Lou tried to fight Lisa's fights for her now that she was absent to do that on her own. But Lou also wanted to believe this was for her grandfather's best as well. "Of course she's grieving, you can't be angry at her for that. And if you're so worried about Dan taking over Lisa's life like this, then she must slowly drive you out of her life if you keep behaving like this."

"So what am I gonna do?" Jack asked, not sure how to ignore his own feelings that were clouding his judgement and coming from a bitter place where Dan Hartfield had always beat him. Jack had thought those days were over now and he had something Dan could never had - Lisa -, but seemed like he was taking her away from him again.

"You go to her and apologize", Lou almost ordered, pointing a finger at Jack before she left the kitchen and returned to Katie's room. Jack leaned against the counter and sighed.

"Easier said than done…"


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: I don't know how Lyndy actually died, but in this story she died of some kind of sickness._

Jack rang the doorbell and waited. He was holding a a bouquet of red roses, as a sign of his love, hoping they would help him with his apology. He had even picked a clean shirt for this "occasion", attempting to prove Lisa that he cared about her and this wasn't just half-assed effort to make things right.

After some time, Lisa answered the door, and after seeing Jack, sighed and closed her eyes, wondering what it was that Jack wanted. She had had a long day and the funeral was going to be tomorrow, so she wasn't looking for anything else to make her down today. She had enough on her plate as it was.

"Lis… I'm sorry", Jack said and handed her the flowers. He was holding to his word: if a person wanted someone to have flowers, they would give them to while they were alive and not when they could no longer enjoy them. "Can we talk?"

"Depends what you want to talk about", Lisa said and accepted the bouquet.

"I just need to understand this, need to understand my own foolishness and where this is coming from. And I hope eventually you'll understand too", Jack explained. Lisa weighted her options and moved aside so Jack could enter the house. The old cowboy stepped in.

"I just feel like Dan has always find a way to come between us, slithering like a snake", Jack started explaining. Lisa held the door open.

"If you're here to bash Dan, I'm not even gonna close this door because you can turn around and head right back to Heartland", Lisa said firmly.

"Let me say what I have to say first. If you still feel that way, I will find myself out without another word", Jack assured. Lisa closed the door and crossed her arms across her chest. "I feel like… this is just one of those things."

"Let me ask you something: don't you think you would have done the same had it been Lyndy?" Lisa pointed out. There had always been this problem with comparing their previous relationships to their current one, but usually things were solved quickly by talking, because they were always reminded both of them had a past of their own and there was no escaping that. What happened now was what really mattered the most.

"I'm a widow, that's a different thing", Jack replied.

"Yes, but… you knew Lyndy's time would come", Lisa said, fighting tears, "you knew she would wither away and you could help her with her pain, make sure that when her time came she was surrounded by people she loved and who loved her. I didn't have that and I will never have that with Dan. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. – The last time I talked to him, we were bickering like we often did, and I never realized it might be the last time I'd ever see him alive. And that's what I have to live with. This funeral is the only thing I can do for him anymore, but you are fighting the idea when I could use your support."

Jack felt like an idiot after hearing Lisa's speech.

"That makes sense", he admitted. "I guess I never thought of it that way."

"Well, now you know", Lisa said sharply. "Me and Dan got divorced and the reasons for that were varied. But there's always part of me that will care for him, no matter what. You don't have to feel threatened by that because what I feel for you is different. If I had thought even for a second that I would go through the same thing with you as I did with Dan, I wouldn't have accepted your proposal. What we have is different and that's why I love you. But I need to do this so I can…" she was trying to find the words, "exhale my love for him, if that makes sense. I need to let him go and I don't know what else could I do other than this. I know planning, it's what I do. So it seems like the most natural way to handle this."

Jack felt relieved after hearing Lisa loved him differently than she had ever loved Dan. Sometimes it was easy for him to forget that, because jealousy was a vicious thing that took over and tarnished the love that used to be pure.

"I understand. And I can't be mad at you for that, because that's exactly why I love you. You care so much", Jack said. It made Lisa smile through her sadness. "So… the funeral's tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah", Lisa nodded and sighed when it caught up her - again. "I still can't decide what I'm gonna wear… Something black, obviously, but…"

"I could help", Jack offered.

"That would be great. Thank you."

"And one more thing", Jack asked when Lisa was ready to take the flowers to a vase, "do you think there is room for one more person?" Jack asked hopefully and Lisa glanced at him, wondering what he meant. "I would like to come. With you."

"Really…?" Lisa was surprised.

"Yes", Jack confirmed.

"Well, maybe there is one more seat", she figured and even smiled a little, as she was pleased to hear Jack was taking more humble approach. Jack on the other hand felt relieved. Whatever Dan stirred in him was "small potatoes" compared to the feeling of not having Lisa around or thinking she was mad at him.

"I love you, Lisa Stillman."

"And I love you, Jack Bartlett."

Lisa walked back and leaned forward to give Jack a kiss. She had faith in tomorrow - even if it was going to be one of the hardest days of her life. But having her loving husband by her side would guarantee that even after love and death, life and love would go on, just in a different form.


End file.
